It's all for attention right?
by anubisd101
Summary: No, it's not


_**It's all for attention right?**_

* * *

_**She cuts for attention doesn't she?**_

I let the tears fall as I sliced away at my wrist. I repeated the words they all said:

"Ugly. Stupid. Fat. Slut. Whore. Bitch. Worthless." With each word, each cut got deeper.

No one was home. Nina, and Fabian were double dating with Patricia, and Eddie. Jerome was out pranking with Alfie. Mara, and Joy went studying at the library; by Mara's request. KT, and Willow went out shopping with Trudy for dinner. And Victor was at the school; most likely talking to Mr. Sweet.

_So no one would know. Good._

* * *

_**She thinks about suicide everyday.**_

I walked down the halls, pulling down my sleeves so no one would see the dry blood, and fresh cuts. I opened my locker. I got out all the books for next period, my homework, and my notes. I walked to class, and sat down in my usual spot.

I got there early cause lately I've been distancing myself from my fellow Anubis mates. And they haven't even noticed. I don't blame them for not talking to me. Who would even want to look at me? I'm a horrible site to see.

A girl sitting behind me taped on my shoulder. I turned in my seat, and met her face. Tiffany Cancer. She's one reason I hate myself. But, hey, I'll just add myself to the list!

"Um, yeah, I couldn't help but notice you're sitting alone. What the matter? You're 'friends' get tired of looking at your hideous face, and hearing your annoying high pitched voice?" Tiffany smirked at me. She and her friend laughed; probably at my ugly features, and me thinking that I look good with this makeup on, and wearing these cloths. The other 6 people in the classroom laughed with them. I turned around to find the teacher still correcting papers at the front of the class; not ever noticing that I was on the brim of tears.

_At that moment, I wanted to die. But, then again, when don't I? And you know what? Why don't I?_

* * *

_**She starves herself.**_

School was over. I finished up at my locker. I ran I to the bathroom, and took off my heels, and socks. I ran to Anubis as fast as I could. I got there before anybody else, and ran up the stairs before Trudy could ask me how school was. I whipped by Victor's office to see he wasn't there. It will still be 2 minuets before anybody got home.

I ran into the girl's bathroom, got my razor out of my bag, and started at it. I cried, and cried. Who would miss me? Who would care? Nobody. I would have continued cutting, if Joy hadn't knocked on the door, giving me a mini heart attack. I yelled for her to wait a minuet, and cleaned up. I ran out of the bathroom, making sure Joy didn't see my tear stained face.

When I got in my room, I slammed the door shut, and thanked God that nobody was in here; they was probably downstairs. I sat on my bed, and cried until Trudy called for dinner. I wasn't going

_I haven't gone to dinner, or breakfast in months, and I skipped lunch. I'm already too fat, and ugly._

* * *

_**She cries herself to sleep.**_

Once I heard footsteps coming for my bedroom door, I had already assumed that Nina, Patricia, and KT were on their way up; new rooming arrangements. I mediately wiped away the tears that had already dried on my face, and the ones that were still coming. The girls walked in the room smiling, laughing, and talking. I sat up straight, and hoped they wouldn't think anything was wrong.

"Hey Ambs! We missed you at dinner! Where were you?" KT smiled at me. I smiled back, the best I could.

"Sorry, I wasn't hungry. I already ate before dinner." I lied. I haven't eaten in months.

"Aww. Well, Willow, and Mara suggested a sleep over in the living room to Trudy, and she said yes!" Nina said, excitedly. Oh no. "Won't that be fun?" She asked. I thought up a good lie to get me out of it.

"Ugh! Guys, I'm to tired for something like that." I said, and flopped down on my bed. "I think I'm just gonna change, and go to bed, here." I said, realizing I was still in my school uniform. Nina, and KT tried to get me to come down, but I wasn't giving in. The girls walked out, after some packing. I checked the clock to see it was 9:17 P.M. I wasn't tired, but I wasn't exactly pumped for a dance party. I crawled into bed, and shut off my light. With the lights off, the memory of Tiffany saying that stuff about me came flooding back into my mind.

_I cried, and cried. I made sure no one from downstairs heard me. And I cried, until I fell asleep._

* * *

**_She's broken..._**

I woke up that next morning. I looked at my clock to see it was 9:43 A.M. on a Saturday. I didn't feel like getting out of bed. I just put my hands under my head, and closed my eyes. I felt something wet on my pillow. Then, I remembered yesterday when Tiffany said that stuff that made me cry myself to sleep. But it's not like that was the first time. A lot of people had made me cry myself to sleep for a lot of reasons; it wasn't just Tiffany for making fun of me.

I sighed, and got up. I rubbed my eyes, and tried to get myself to wake up. I walked down stairs, cause nobody was up here, so I assumed that they were all eating breakfast. I won't eat, I'll just talk with everybody. Actually, I probably won't; who would want to talk to me?

I walked down the stairs. I saw that Victor still wasn't in his office. God, that guy's almost never here! I was walking down the stairs, but I accidentally kicked the wall, and hurt my foot. I stayed silent, no matter how much it hurt. I sat on the steps, and rubbed my foot, until it felt better. I stood up, but something in the common room caught my eye: Alfie, and Willow kissing on the couch. I started to silently cry, with my mouth slightly a gap.

I saw a flash come from in the living room, and heard Mara yell "Yay! Walfie's first kiss!" I couldn't take it any more. I ran back up to my room. Walfie? WALFIE?! What happened to Amfie?! What happened to me?! What happened to my life?

_Everything._

* * *

**_But it's all for attention right?_**

I sat, and cried, no longer silent, on my bed. I felt my face heat up from the hot tears coming from my eyes. I was crying so loudly, I'm surprised I heard my phone ring, when it did. I tried to look at the ID, but my eyes were too blurry. I tried to steady my voice as best as I could, and answered it. "Hello?" I asked.

"Hey Ambie." Oh. My. Fucking. God. NO! Not now! Why now?! Anytime, but now!

"What do you want Rebecca?" I asked, my voice still cracking. Rebecca was one of my best middle school friends, until in 7th grade when she became a bitch, and the reason I started to self harm.

"I just wanted to call and see how you're doing. But, I can tell by the sad, patheticness in your voice that you're still horrible!" She laughed. I cried even harder, which I didn't think was possible. She does this every week! "Oh, stop crying! It's all for attention, anyways!" She said, and hung up.

That's it!

I threw my phone across the room, ran into the bathroom, and locked the door. I grabbed my razor, and pushed it deeper into my skin then I have ever before. This day has proved that no one cares, and that no one would miss me. I started getting dizzy. I grabbed sleeping pills from inside the medicine, and downed them all. I knew this was it, I knew I was going to die. Before I pass out, I whisper:

_"No, it's not"_


End file.
